Plans

I’m proud to report that my first couple weeks on the job have been a success. Successful in that 1) They seem to want me to keep coming back, and 2) I think I actually like what I’m doing. Seriously. I keep waiting for them to tell me that in addition to research and writing, I’m also expected to make 500 cold calls a day or scrub the men’s room toilets. I’m joking of course...kind of. I mean, I’m sure the proverbial toilet brush will be handed to me eventually (because no job is perfect), but at the moment, I’m still pinching myself.

I think part of my giddiness stems from the sheer normalcy of my life at the moment. Friday morning, as I sipped coffee from my travel mug while listening to the Bert Show in traffic, I couldn’t help but think how nice it is to be back in Atlanta. It’s not that Johannesburg wasn’t a great place to live – it was – but it never felt normal. And I think it never felt normal because I knew from day one that it was only temporary. Does that make sense? I mean, I guess you could say everything is temporary. In this day and age, it’s rare to spend most of your life in one city or one job or even one relationship; however, I still think that most of us make decisions based on the assumption that what life looks like today isn’t all that different from what it will look like next week or next month or next year.

But when you know that the life you are living is definitely not the life you will have, well, it makes you see and do things differently. In fact, I don’t think I realized until recently just how much my temporary mindset affected my life in South Africa. From where we chose to live (had it been long term there’s no way in hell I could’ve lived in the M-I-L’s backyard!) to the work I did (my status as a temporary resident limited my work to "freelance") to the way I spent money (I’m not much of a shopper anyway, but knowing I would have to haul it all back one day kept me from buying much at all) to the way I enjoyed the "South African lifestyle" (from the swimming pool to the maid, I was constantly feeling guilty and reminding myself to not get too used to it!). And of course, knowing my life there was temporary certainly affected my relationships. How could it not? As much as I tried to open myself up to people and possibilities, I always felt a little like an outsider. And that was my own fault.

I’m not saying I have regrets or that I would’ve done anything differently. I’m not sure that I could have done anything differently. But it’s nice to feel like I’m back in my “real” life, a life that isn’t temporary. A life where I can make Plans. Social Plans including a girls’ weekend trip, out of town weddings, and of course, Buffestalo. Living on the opposite side of the planet precluded me from attending these types of events, and even before that, my job in real estate often prevented me from taking part in weekend activities, so it’s nice to finally be able to make these kinds of Plans. And of course, we’re starting to talk about some Big Plans too. Plans to buy a house one day, maybe try to have a baby…not anytime soon, of course, but it’s nice to be in a situation where we can at least talk about making Plans.

But of course, as much as I’m loving these Big Plans, I wouldn’t be me if some tiny part of me wasn’t slightly panicking too. There’s a voice in my head saying, “Actually, no, I’m not a planner. Me, I’m kind of a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants gal, you know, moment-to-moment...that’s me.” (This voice sounds a lot like Julia Roberts. Bonus points if you can name the movie.) But maybe that’s not me anymore. While I’ve always taken some pride in my history of spontaneity, maybe I’m no longer that girl. Maybe now I’m someone who makes Plans.

Then again, perhaps…well, isn't it possible that I’m both? That I've always been both? Can't I be someone who makes Plans but is open to a Change of Plans too? And maybe that’s a good thing, because really, who are we kidding? Life rarely lets us follow the plans we make anyway. So maybe it’s best to be a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl…who just happens to have a Plan.