I've always considered myself to be pretty good at multi-tasking. But until recently (11 weeks and 5 days ago if you want to be precise), I discovered what it means to really multi-task. And I've gotten pretty damn good at it if I do say so myself. Some examples? Well, I can change one baby's diaper while entertaining the other on the floor with my foot. I can rock a baby in a cradle with one foot, while rocking the other baby in my arm and washing bottles with the other hand. I can also pump breast milk, return emails and watch tv all at the same time.
Not impressed yet?
I can bottle feed 2 babies at the same time (see below!); I can breast feed 2 babies at the same time; in fact, I can breast feed 1 baby and bottle feed the other at the same time. I can even feed 1 baby while burping the other. And I've been known to use a headset to talk on the phone while doing all of the above!
I can also comfort 2 babies simulataneously. Julie often prefers my words to my arms, so if I lay her on the diaper changing station I can sing or talk to her while I hold Anna (who prefers to be held when she's upset). But when both babies want to be held, I find the best way is to sit on the floor Indian style and lay 1 baby in my lap (bouncing my legs slightly) while holding the other baby in my arms. This position also works well for holding 1 baby (in my lap) while changing the other's diaper (on the floor). All in a day's work. I often wish there was someone around to capture my multi-tasking magic on camera, but then again, if someone else was home they better be holding a baby and not fiddling with a camera!
I'm getting pretty confident with my multi-tasking abilities, but Monday I've got another task to throw into the mix - my job. I'm kind of a mess about it. I love my job and I miss my coworkers and I even miss having something to talk/think about that doesn't involve poop and spit up. But I'm also so very sad at the idea of being away from the girls for 10 hours, 5 days a week. It just seems wrong. The longest I've been away from them so far has been about 4 hours. And to immediately jump to 10 seems crazy. I feel I should have been weaning myself off of them in these last few weeks, but I haven't wanted to waste a minute. And I know they will be okay at daycare, but that doesn't mean that I will be okay!
And on top of my feelings of sadness and guilt are my feelings of fear that as good at multi-tasking as I've become, it still won't be good enough. How can I be a really good mom and still be good at my job too? I know all of these feelings are normal, but that doesn't make them any less scary. And I am definitely scared.
But 12 weeks ago I was scared that I wouldn't be able to take care of 2 babies and I've managed that somehow, so I'm sure I'll manage what lies ahead too...
Still, if you could send some thoughts, prayers, and/or good vibes my way Monday morning it would be much appreciated.