Cry Baby

Everyone tells new moms to "sleep when the baby is sleeping." Great advice I suppose, if you don't have anything else to do except feed and entertain your baby. But following that same logic, I've taken to crying when the babies cry. I mean...why not, right? Sometimes a girl just needs a good cry, and as they say, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em...right?


Okay, so I don't always cry when they cry, but yesterday I was particularly weepy and couldn't help but join the girls nearly every time they expressed their inner angst. Why so sad, you ask? Well, believe it or not, Roger's parents left last night, and despite my concerns prior to their arrival, it was great having them here. The M-I-L was amazingly helpful and we were thankful for every moment that Roger's dad got to spend with his newest grandbabies. (He was particularly taken with his namesake, Bryanna.) But his declining health made saying goodbye particularly tough this time, and that - coupled with the reality that with his parents' exit, Roger and I are truly on our own with these little ones - made for an especially teary day.

But I'm feeling better today. And I know that scary as it may seem, Roger and I are ready to be on our own again. The girls are doing great, and that's because of us. (Well, it's really because we are blessed from above, but you know what I mean.) Some days they are doing better than others (and that goes for me too!), but we're sticking to the little routine we've got going and modifying the plan as needed. I'm still overwhelmed - as you will certainly see if I ever get around to typing the blog posts that I compose in my head at night while feeding babies - but I think I've accepted that as a mother of twins, the feeling of being overwhelmed is probably here to stay. So I'm just gonna roll with it...and not apologize if I occasionally join in with my girls when they're having a good cry.

Cool or Crazy?

This morning I breastfed Anna in the nursery with an audience of not just the M-I-L (who was helping me top Julie off with a bottle), but also my father-in-law, Roger’s two brothers, and my three year old niece – all while Moose and Maia attacked each other on the tummy time mat. Does this make me a cool, laid back, evolved mom? Or a crazy woman incapable of setting boundaries?

The jury is still out on that one…

In this moment...

This is hard. Not harder than I thought it would be but still…it’s really, really hard. And what I’m about to say is likely to offend much of my audience, but I can’t help but think how easy this would be if there were just one of them. Not that I’d be willing to send one back of course, but it’s that second mouth to feed that complicates things a bit. It’s the “in stereo” crying that can bring me to tears. It’s the fact that as soon as I manage to calm one down, the other starts. Surely if it was just one…this motherhood stuff would be a breeze.

But as hard as it is, it is getting easier. I think it is anyway. I may think differently after the next feeding. But in this moment, things seem like they're on their way up. My mom left last Thursday and I cried as I watched her pull out of the driveway, but her absence has forced me and the girls to figure out how to do this on our own. And we seem to be doing okay. The M-I-L is here of course, so I do have back up if I need it, but I’m taking great satisfaction from the fact that I don’t have to have her here in order to take care of my children. The fact that she’s doing laundry and helping to keep the house from looking like a bomb went off is a bonus, but her presence is not mandatory.

So yes, the in-laws have arrived and so far we’re all coping. My fabulous brother-in-law and sister-in-law and their little girl are also here and being hugely helpful. And of course my aunt and uncle came by this past weekend to dote on the girls a bit too. Never a dull moment around here! It’s wonderful to have so many people that love us, but I’d be lying if I said all the activity isn’t more than a little stressful. I’m trying to roll with it though. I’ve decided the new me – the mom version of me – doesn’t sweat the small stuff. She doesn’t worry about what others think…not even the M-I-L.

So that’s the latest with us. The girls are growing like mad (Anna was 8 lb 10 oz and Julie was 6 lb 15 oz at their 4 week appointment). They are eating better, sleeping a little better, pooping lots (which apparently is a good thing - even if it makes the 24 daily diaper changes kind of a nightmare), and I actually ventured out for a run today while the girls slept. I went about 3 miles - and loved every step.

So in this moment, I’m feeling good…and these are the moments I feel like blogging. I’m sure it would be good for me to write about the other moments too, but in those moments, all I feel like doing is stuffing my face with ice cream and hiding in the bathroom for a good cry. Then I remind myself of the bright side – that at least with all this breast feeding, it’s okay to stuff myself with ice cream! And then I feel a little better… in that moment anyway.

Their faces pretty much express how I feel moment to moment! (That's Julie on the left and Anna - having a moment of her own - on the right)