Monday, April 26, 2010

6 months later...

Is anybody out there? Probably not, but for some reason I found my way back here today. Funny that it's been exactly six months and one day since I ran the Marine Corps Marathon. On that day, my body truly amazed me. Running 26.2 miles in 4 hours and 8 minutes was something I never thought I could do. But amazingly, I did it. The body I had taken for granted and mistreated for so long carried me through. I was impressed. Grateful. And a little in awe of what my body was capable of.

But that's nothing compared to how I'm feeling today. Today my body is actively growing and protecting not one but two little baby girls. Can you believe it? I still can't. Not really. Even as I watch my stomach expand, I am confounded by the possibility that two lives are growing inside of me. Even as I hold my husband's hand while we witness their tiny, squirming figures on the ultrasound screen - I'm still in disbelief. And yet they're in there. Growing every day.

I'm amazed and excited, but I'm also terrified. Twins were definitely not something I was planning on. Of course you're wondering if it runs in my family - that is the polite way of asking if this is a result of fertility drugs. My standard answer is no, they don't run in my family but Roger's dad is a twin and his grandmother too. But of course, if you know anything about twins you will know that it doesn't tend to matter if the father has a family history of twins.

The longer answer is that for awhile there, I wasn't really sure if I could have kids. (insert TMI warning here) I went off the pill a couple years ago - when the idea of getting pregnant wasn't completely out of the question. I certainly wasn't hearing the biological clock ticking, but Roger and I had both realized that we might never feel really ready for kids but it was something we thought we wanted eventually so why not see what happened.

But then I didn't get a period. I eventually asked my doctor in South Africa about it and he did some tests to discover that I wasn't ovulating. He gave me some pills and said to take them when I was ready to get pregnant. I went as far as filling the prescription, but I couldn't bring myself to take the pills.

And then we were moving back to the States and I was starting a new job and the timing was all wrong so the pills were eventually thrown away. Of course, my new doctor here in Atlanta prescribed the same sort of pills but once again the prescription just sat in my wallet.

I did some research on adoption. I became convinced that adopting a Chinese orphan could be my way of making the world a better place. Roger - rational as always - said he'd be totally open to adopting a Chinese orphan, but before we go half way around the planet in search of a child, why not just take the pills? I said I'd think about it.

Finally, I decided I would take the pills, but if they didn't work I wanted to explore adoption further. I also decided that before I took the pills, I wanted to run a marathon. Roger said he would support me in that decision completely, but once the marathon was over, it would be time to ease up on all the running and take the pills.

Well, the pills made me ovulate. Twice. And the funny thing is, that my doctor specifically prescribed an alternative to the standard ovulation drug (clomid) because the alternative allegedly has a lower percentage of multiples. Just 4% or something like that. I think he was as stunned as I was when we first saw those two little heart beats on the screen. But I fell a little in love with my doctor that day. Roger wasn't with me (it was so early - I didn't realize there would be an ultrasound), so the doctor just held my hand and told me it would be okay. And despite the fact that I was hyperventilating on the table, I knew it would be.

I'm still not sure exaclty how we'll juggle two babies come August, but if I've learned anything about myself and my husband - it's that together we can handle anything.

So forgive me for abandoning the blog these past six months, but trust me, I've spent the time being very productive. ; )