Sunday, August 16, 2009

The naked blogger

"What’s up with the blog?"

At first people kindly overlooked that I missed a week, then two…but lately a few loyal readers have begun to inquire about my intentions for the blog. But the thing is, I still don’t really know. I do enjoy having this outlet for my writing (and my neuroses), but all of a sudden I feel very exposed. Like I’ve been prancing around naked all this time and am only just noticing that everyone else is fully clothed. And accompanying this awareness of being naked is the nagging question of how and why I got naked in the first place (and I’m still speaking metaphorically, so get your mind out of the gutter!). Obviously, I started blogging to keep in touch while I was in South Africa, but then it became a kind of habit, a way to indulge my need to write (and apparently, my need to bare my soul). But I feel like a woman of nearly thirty (!!!) should be more sensible than that. I feel like I should have more of a focus with my writing. If I’m going to blog, I should be promoting something or teaching something. I should have a goal, a purpose…but what?

Even after taking a few weeks off, I haven’t exactly figured out what that is yet. I’ve got a few ideas…but I’m still not sure what it is I should be doing.

My high school English teacher (who fancied herself a bit of a therapist) used to say, “Don’t ‘should’ yourself.” The phrase has stuck with me, even if I'm usually incapable of taking the advice. I 'm perpetually telling myself I ‘should’ be more organized, I ‘should’ lose five pounds, I ‘should’ read more non-fiction, I ‘should’…well, you get my point. But in this case, for the moment anyway, I’m going to try and take Ms. Rich’s advice. I’m not going to worry about what I should do with the blog – I’m just going to write. But I’m also not going to ‘should myself’ into posting when I don’t really feel like writing.

But I’m sure I'll keep writing, and I’m sure I’ll continue to be 'naked' when I do it...because I just don’t know how to do it any other way.