Sunday, May 17, 2009

Small talk?

Motherhood amazes me.
Hopefully, my last post conveyed how much I admire the mothers I know – especially my own amazing mom, and now of course, my beautiful sister. But as much as I’m in awe of motherhood, when I think of it in terms of myself, I’m completely apathetic. Well, maybe that's the wrong word. Because I do really want to be a mom...someday. I mean, when I imagine my future, I picture Roger and me with children, but it’s this blurry, distant vision of an unspecified place and time. It’s certainly not the here and now. I guess I still think of motherhood as a “when I grow up” thing to do. And despite the fact that I’m quickly approaching thirty, it rarely occurs to me that I’m possibly capable of being a mother now.

But I’m not completely oblivious. I realize that it’s probably time to start thinking about it more seriously. I guess I’ve been saying that for a few years though. It’s true; whenever Roger and I talk about it, we always agree that the best time to have a baby will be “this time next year.”

I realize that it’s a little weird for someone who has been happily married for over seven years to not have kids. I guess. I mean, people always seem shocked when they find out how long I’ve been married and then discover that I don't have a kid in kindergarten. They assume there's something wrong with me. And who knows - maybe there is - but what business is it of theirs anyway? Okay, that sentence probably suggests that I’m offended by their inappropriate interest, and I’m not really, I just find it – I don’t know – I guess I find it interesting. I think it’s funny that a random man in the cafeteria at work makes small talk with me with these three questions 1) Are you married? 2) Do you have kids? 3) Why not? Oh, and then he follows it up with “Well, you should. You definitely should. And you should hurry up.”

I know, right? But the thing is, the whole interaction isn’t unusual for me. For some reason, everyone from the girl giving me a manicure to the man at the dry cleaner’s wants to know when I’m having a baby and why I don’t have one already. It’s funny that something so deeply personal to one person is just a way to make small talk to another.

And then of course there are the more subtle questions and speculations by those closer to me, those who aren’t just making small talk. I find it ironic that the man in the cafeteria can come right out and ask me the question while the M-I-L – someone notorious for her outspokenness – dances around the subject, saying how she can’t wait for me to get pregnant but knowing better than to pressure me with direct questions about our plans.

So, what are our plans? I don’t know. And that’s exactly what I told the one person who has the right to be asking the question – my doctor. When he asked about my timeline for having a baby, I thought about it for a minute before asking him if it would be alright to train for a marathon while trying to get pregnant. He discouraged the idea, giving me yet another reason to delay motherhood. Because I think I’d like to run a marathon this year, and if I have to choose between having a baby and running a marathon, well the latter sounds a hell of a lot easier, don’t you think?

I know; I have issues. But now is not the moment to explore my psychosis. We can do that some other time...because if I'm willing to share it with the random man in the cafeteria, I figure I might as well share it with you guys too.

3 comments:

  1. Ribbon - Truth be told, I cried when I found out I was pregnant because I was scared to death & I didn't think I was ready yet. But God knows what He is doing...He gives us those 9 (10) months of pregnancy to get us ready for it, and once that child is in your arms, its the most amazing, wonderful feeling in the whole world & all of a sudden you can't remember what your life was like before that moment because she (or he) is all that matters. Avery Jayne is by far the best thing that has ever, ever happened to me. Whenever you decide to try and have a baby, I have no doubt in my mind that you will be a fantastic mother & Roger will be an amazing dad. For what its worth though, Avery would love a cousin!! No pressure of course!! :)
    Love you so much,
    D.

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  2. Boy do I hear ya! We have only been married for 3 years and get the comments all of the time, I can't imagine adding 4 more years to that. Darby is right, God's timing is perfect so no matter when you have a baby it will be the perfect time for you and Roger.

    Good luck with the marathon!

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  3. Oh boy, my sister and her husband have been married for almost 9 years and my sis is 31 and they are just now having their first! You are SO right, it is all about the RIGHT timing for YOU and ROGER...not anyone else like the M-I-L or others who drop hints about or just plain come out and ask. I am guilty of asking people that sometimes, but I am wierd like that and just LOVE children, so I guess I just ask because I am NOSY :-) HAHA. Darby is SO right (and Allison)...when it is right, God knows it and it will be perfect for you and Roger. Good luck training for a marathon, can't wait to hear all about it...so proud of you...you go girl!!!

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